Follow up to the Future

I wrote that pretty letter to the future last week yet I still struggle. 

I still got overwhelmed when my mom called me and asked questions. 
“Where will you live? Why not on campus? Where will you work? Will you be able to cover costs? This mission trip you want to go on are you sure you can take off work?"

I don’t know
I don’t know
I don’t know

Literally this has been my answer to everything this week.

But this is stupid. I can't even begin to plan that far ahead. So many things will change by the time I get to the decision making point that will come probably in April of 2017.

So I sit here to tell you it is okay to struggle.

You can write down all your feelings in your notebook. You can write down your deepest prayers. You can tell others that you gave the future back to God. But sometimes you are going to grab it right out of His hands. Your going to say "I think I understand what your doing God. I got this.” The worst part is your not even going to realize you did that. It just happened. 

It’s our human nature. To think we, as people walking on this Earth with our messed up chaotic lives, can plan it out better than God. Isn’t that funny to think about. I can't help but laugh. Look to your past. Are you thinking of something that you tried and tried and tried to plan & organize yet you still couldn’t plan for the flat tire, the flight change, the loss in the family? In the moment you had felt like a failure. Like if I can’t even do this small little thing how can God even use me? Like God’s ability to use us is determined by our abilities.

We are limiting God by taking it out of His hands.

The path He has us on is full of mountains but there is a lot of joy to be found on the hiking trails that are so steep your practically rock climbing. 

So I have to hand it back.
He can have it all.
I don’t even want to try to plan my future but I know I will 
& then I will have to give it back again.

No comments: