11.28.2016

Loneliness


College is fun.

College is where you will make life long friends.

College is where you get on the path of passions and follow your heart towards a career where you will eventually be able to pay off those school loans.

College is for late nights, crappy food and growth because, hey, its all about the experiences.

College is for making mistakes and learning from them.

College is also lonely. 

You can be surrounded by people who have a lot in common with you all the time. You can say hey to the RA at the desk while walking through the lobby then strike up a conversation in the elevator with the girl who just seems like she had a rough day. You can attend all the basketball games in your school colors from head to toe. You can stay up till 2 am with the girl who lives in the building next door then walk home because that is what you do. But at the end of the day there are a lot of relationships and responsibilities that college holds, ones you might not have been prepared for. Or maybe even you thought you were prepared so when you realized you weren't, you were surprise, making it even harder to handle. 

It’s a time of learning about yourself and sometimes, it isn’t fun.

My first year was about finding myself.
My second year was about growing in myself.
My third year is about figuring out how to live with myself. 

If you know me two of my best friends lived with me last year and they played huge roles in my first two years but now they are both gone and I am trying to figure out how to live without them. It sounds dramatic but having stability and someone to lean on constantly, then not, takes an adjustment. 

So yes college is full of everything people say it is but it is also hard and know that it comes with its mountains like any other season.

So the question is...
Is it possible to embrace it? To accept the loneliness?

The answer is up to you.

Lets think about what loneliness does for you. It changes your perspective. Your immature view of your future life is altered based on the fact that it has its loneliness. It causes you to analyze your life. Why are you feeling this way? Were your expectations unaligned with actuality? Is it because you feel left out? Is it because you are struggling with confidence in your own self image?
It also teaches you about your relationships and reveals their true value, which is greater than you originally thought. You are realizing your needs. You need people. You need community. God built you that way. 

You can learn more about yourself in the loneliness. You can learn how to accept it. How to hug that monster that hides under your bed that, every once in a while, comes out to haunt your day. 

This embrace is not going to be an immediate action. It is learnable though & will most likely be a slow process. 

It is also individualized. Unique. Meaning there is no immediate answer of how to handle it. Which sucks.

When I was researching to see other’s reactions to the same problem I am facing, I read an article. It was not religiously affiliated or anything but it was her last tip in embracing loneliness that made me think. She recommended praying. She said it was free and could be done anywhere. It is really uncomfortable but it has thousands of years of proven results. It gives people an opportunity to sort through their emotions, it brings about humility and can lead the person in the right direction. 

I found this to be a really interesting coming from someone who doesn’t believe in God. Why would a nonreligious person pray? Because they need to feel heard, like their words mean something even if no physical being hears them. It can be freeing. It can bring about a comfort unexplainable any other way. 

But as Jesus knowers, we also know that our prayers are heard. Our cries carry weight like a burden that Jesus took upon Himself. He is there, listening and experiencing the pain right beside you.

I don’t know how to conclude this post because its not like its a 3 step program to walk up to the looming monster and embrace him with everything you have. I can’t just tell you to pray and it will go away. I also can’t say it won’t come back. I can’t even begin to tell you where to start because I haven’t even figured that out yet. But I am going to try and learn. Learn to embrace the monster with a bear hug because he came not to haunt me but to teach me and he isn’t only knocking on my door. 


I am not alone in my loneliness & neither are you.  

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