12.12.2016

Self Sufficiency


God doesn’t need us, 
He is self sufficient. 

I saw this statement in my devotional today and I just couldn’t get past it. 

I connect with this so much because it is what I strive for. I don’t want to have to rely on anyone else. I don’t want to need anyone else. When I started college a year early, this is what I wanted to achieve. Complete independence. From my parents and everything that came with all the inconsistent homes. I like to do things myself, and If I don’t know how then I figure it out. Then every once in a while I get to the point where I need someone else and it pains me to ask for help. So I typically choose to go it alone, then when I get tired of being alone, I surrender my emotions over to someone else in hopes I can be fixed.

But in certain seasons of life it can feel like the lies you feed yourself about being strong enough give way to the truth, you can’t. & sometimes you don’t have someone to lean on. What then?

I wrote on loneliness a few weeks ago not because I feel like it is an ignored topic but because, honestly, I am trying to figure out how to be alone with myself. I retreat daily to a room where I don’t have a close relationship with my roommate. I have never lived with someone who didn’t share about their day or was friends with me. It is just different. 

God doesn’t need us. He really doesn’t but I believe He got lonely at some point and decided to create us. Sure we didn’t turn out how He originally planned but that was because of us. The cool thing is He chooses us anyway. He chooses to love and care for us. He chooses to adopt us and fight for us. He is self sufficient but He understood how lonely that gets so He created us differently. 

We need community because we need people. People we trust and can turn to. People who will show up even when the party is canceled. People there for the joys and tragedies of this life. 

He also made us without the ability to live complete independent lives because we need Him. 

It's like the day He planned the world, He planned us individually. From our heads to our toes. The color of our eyes and the shape of our nose. He created the perfect balance so our bodies function. He created plants to add oxygen to the air. He made the earth ready for us to come live on it. Then, right before He set us down, He took something out. He left a little tiny hole in our hearts that only He understands. The body can live without it but the mind can’t. Its like the mind recognizes there is something missing so then it searches and searches. Maybe it finds temporary fulfillment through friendship, or love, or food. Then body keeps looking. Some find it and some don’t, but He is always there waiting, hoping someone will find Him. He holds that key that fits perfectly in the hole because He understands. 

A relationship with Him fills the whole. Closes the wound. It isn’t a one time decision to have a conversation that leads to the end of the search but a daily decision. 

He is self sufficient, & He doesn’t need us but He wants us. All of us. He is there waiting to bless and serve and provide every need you have but it doesn’t come without commitment. It is a two sided relationship with coffee dates and everything. 


So sit in the fact that God is a complete being but you aren’t. Healing is right around the corner.  

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